Be It Ever So Chilly, There's No Place Like Home

All good things must come to an end: and so it is with vacations to tropical islands. It was with mixed feelings that we left the Garden Isle of Kauai. We were both tired of dodging the rain storms while trying to get in some sunny beach time and we were missing our dogs, but there were adventures still to have, sights left to see...and Mai Tai's left to drink (though not many!).

Our flight was a red-eye that left Lihue airport at 10:30pm, but we were both so tired that we managed to sleep through most of the trip, which seemed like 2 hours instead of 6. Our luck continued and we made a connection home much earlier than we had been scheduled to, so we got in at noon instead of after 1 am. We crashed for five hours more sleep and then were ready to start slipping back into the old routines...such as buying groceries for dinner. Here's one intrepid individual returning from a successful foraging mission, in the midst of harsh elements.


Despite the disgusting white slop that was pelting down from the sky, we were glad to be home...but it would only be a matter of time before our thoughts would begin to turn toward our next expedition: the Search for the Ultimate Pina Colada on the British Virgin Islands! :o))

We Found It: The Ultimate Mai Tai on Kauai!

Location: Mariott Kauai Resort, Lihue

Well, after a long and arduous search, we acted on a tip from seasoned explorer friend and went to the Mariott Hotel on Nawiliwili Bay in Lihue. The ambiance was an odd mix of polynesian and other cultures, but there was live Hawaiian music playing and tiki torches, with the sound of the Pacific Ocean in the background, so things looked promising. We opened the drink menu and we knew our search was over. There it was, listed in black and white: the Ultimate Mai Tai. Fate had brought us to the right place.

We ordered two and were rewarded with the ideal blend of rum and fruit juice, in a classic glass, with fruit garnish...but no umbrella! When we mentioned this to our server, he lamented that they had stopped using the little paper umbrellas about a year ago. Oh, well...nothing is ever perfect!

So our quest was over. We had tasted a lot of Mai Tai's--some good, some better, some so good they were dangerous--but both of us agreed that overall, the Mariott's Mai Tai was indeed, the Ultimate Mai Tai on Kauai.

Honorable Mention: Oasis Bar and Grill Mai Tai, Sheraton Kauai Resort, Poipu

Friday the 13th...

Although we made light of it while booking our doors-off Napali Coast helicopter tour for the morning of Friday the 13th, we did wake that morning wondering what we'd gotten ourselves in to. Since it seemed that the odds would be most in favour of us meeting our makers during that activity, we set out for an early morning snorkel in the rough seas outside of the condo.

Unfortunately, the waves and lack of sunlight caused the waters to be too murky for good snorkeling. Thus, we were spared from being eaten (or scared to death) by the sharks that were undoubtely lurking amoungs the turtle lairs.

Our helicopter ride was scheduled for noon, so we got ourselves ready and set off for the hangar. Wouldn't you know it, the Waimea Canyon and Napali Coast were completely socked in. No death ride for us today. Try again tomorrow at 3pm...

Disappointed but not ready to let Fate off the hook just yet, we decided that this might be just the (windy, rainy) day to drive up to the north island. Here's the view from the co-pilot seat of our rented PT cruiser.

Thankfully, the weather did clear up some, eventually. At least until we were half-way through our self-guided tour of the Limahuli National Tropical Botanical Garden. Think Vietnam. In a torrential downpour. The gardens may have been washed out to sea. We were too cold and wet to stick around to find out.


We were both quite ready for a drink by the time we drove back down to Princeville. We thought we'd hit the swanky Princeville Hotel for a Mai Tai. Turns out they've been closed for renovations for about a year. No salmon mousse for us today!

On Aaron's suggestion, we stopped at the Marriot Hotel in Lihue for dinner on the way back to Poipu. As he said, it was really a sight to see. And the Mai Tai...mmmmm....delicious! (More about that later)

Anyways, despite Fate's best effort (yet) we managed to make it through this Friday the 13th without incident. (That we know of. At least we're pretty sure we're still alive.)

Play it Again, Mike (Part D'uh)

Casablanca's Happy Hour Mai Tai

Location: Casablanca's Restaurant, Poipu

We did return to Casablanca's eventually and were delighted to find this lovely drink, served up for a whopping $4! Very tasty, well-presented, and worth every American penny!




















Overall Score: 4

Brennecke's Tai Chi - Step Up and Raise Hands!

As planned, we returned to Brennecke's to sample their high-test Mai Tai, the Tai Chi.

The slow and graceful flavour of the Tai Chi certainly did relax us. However, it would probably take more than one for us to realize any improvements in flexibility or coordination.

This drink was pretty and yummy, but still a little Hawaiian Punch-like for our tastes. The Tai Chi cost just a little more than B's regular Mai Tai ($7.50 instead of $6.95) but was worth it for the improved flavour (not to mention nicer glass and umbrella!).

Overall Score: 3+

Back To Paradise

Another beautiful day in Kauai. We had planned to go back and snorkel with our turtle neighbours this morning, but the wind's come up so a Plan B was in order. So, off to Mark's favorite spot we went. The road hasn't gotten any better, but it hasn't gotten any worse either. Mark's begun to view driving this route as a game...so far, we and the rental car are holding up.

Just up from the beach there's a breath-taking hike along the volcanic rock cliffs. The wind was so blustery today that we both nearly lost our hats at several points along the way.

Standing near the edge to take a picture isn't too scary until you walk a little farther and look back to find the cliff you were standing on has been so far undercut by the waves!

















Our pictures don't do the colour of the water justice...it's an indescribable shade of blue/green. As the sky colour changes, so does the water. Just like in the movies!

We ventured into the surf just off the beach for a quick snorkel. There are noticeable rip tides in this area, and although there are several reefs offshore, there is a wide channel in between them - big enough for Monk seals (and sharks!!!) to find their way through. Plenty of pretty fish here, but no turtles.

With the change in weather and having had a wee bit too much sun this morning, I treated myself to a nice long nap this afternoon while Mark read his book (slept) out on chair on the lanai.

Dinner conversation this evening revolved primarily around tomorrow's planned helicopter ride up the Napali Coast, across the Waimea Canyon, and over the (we hope) extinct volcanic crater. If you've seen Jurassic Park, Napali is the coastline featured in that film. Helicopter's might be no big deal for some people but tomorrow we'll be flying door-less, weather permitting!

A Perfect Day in Kauai

If I could imagine a perfect day in Kauai, it would go something like this...

A slow, yummy breakfast with a couple cups of strong, local brew (coffee), followed by an hour's snorkel at a lava rock and white sand beach just steps from our condo. We'd come upon a herd of napping sea turtles, who would waken and in their curiousity, float up to the surface to swim and frolic with us in the gentle surf.

We'd dry off and laze about in the sun for a while, and then find a local hole-in-the-wall take out place for a catch-of-the-day fish burger. Ono, perhaps? After that we'd do a little sight-seeing and picture taking, and find another beautiful beach. Instead of snorkeling, we'd forget our ages and jump into the waves like a couple of little kids. We'd resign ourselves to the sea, and let her bounce and tumble us around for a good, long while.

Once our suits were well and full of sand, we'd head home to clean up and find a spot to watch the sunset before setting out in search of another Mai Tai to sample - after spending an hour or so watching some local surfers ride the tide from our lanai.


Sigh. This is a rough life.

Shaken and Stirred - A Whale of a Day

Things started out pretty quietly...a drive out west to stroll through the galleries and shops in Hanapepe - a quaint little town that time and tourist books forgot.

We carried on up the road a while in search of the Waimea Brewing Company, located oddly enough, in Waimea. We were hoping to find a cool shirt for Linette's son, David. Sadly, there were no shirts left to be had, but they did have a pretty fantastic Mai Tai on the menu...

After waiting for the effects of the Mai Tai to wear off, we scurried back down toward Poipu stopping just briefly at Fort Elizabeth were legend has it there once was a Russian fort. We literally walked right past it - overgrown and neglected pretty much since the time it was built. The historical marker was full of info and very interesting. Too bad as much effort wasn't spent on the Fort itself.

We got back to town just in time for a whale watching tour with a local marine biologist and whale conservator. This salty seawoman kept us entertained while she bounced our butts up and down and back and forth for 3 hours off the coast of Poipu. While learning the finer points of bucking bronco riding (Kauai style), we saw 5 humpback whales, including a mom and days old calf who were traveling with a spinner dolphin! Mark survived this ordeal (er, adventure) without revisiting his calamari lunch thanks to a massive dose of antiemetics, his trusty magic arm bands, and polite refusal of the proferred onboard snacks.

We're both missing our puppies now, but thankfully, there are many sweet dogs around willing to avail themselves for pats and snuggles. There is what looks to be a very lovely humane society facility between here and Lihue (just north of here on the highway). I'm hoping to visit there at some point before we go. Mark swears he'll stay in the car for that though...or else we may find ourselves bringing home more than just souvenirs for our birthday Luau!

Keoki's Tropical Paradise Mai Tai - A Positively Polynesian Potion

In the Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room

In the Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room

All the birds sing words and the flowers croon

In the Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room!

Location: Keoki's Tropical Paradise Restaurant, Poipu

1. Presentation : The coolest Mai Tai glass EVER! More than just a tiki face - a warning to those considering ordering one too many! Umbrella, fruit, layering. Perfection! We were seriously thinking about bringing home a couple of these glasses until we found out they wanted over $12 each for them...crazy man!
Score : 5

2. Flavour : Keoki's is part of a chain of restaurants that includes Duke's. Thankfully, Keoki's MT was much more flavourful, with a strong fresh fruit presence and a nice blend of rums.
Score : 4

3. Location Ambiance : It just doesn't get any more Polynesian than Keoki's, with its open air dining, pools, terraces, tiki torch lighting and Hawaiian music. The only thing missing was an ocean view.
Score : 4+

4. Psychomotor Effect : Noticeable but fleeting.
Score : 3

5. Server Enthusiasm : Another busy waiter. Attentive but not overly interested in our quest or questions.
Score : 3

6. Cost : $7.25. Reasonable by the emerging standard.
Score : 3

Overall Score : 4 (bonus marks for that fabulous tiki glass)

Moving Day!

Today (Tuesday) we moved to our fabulous new place - Kuhio Shores. If only this place had been available for the whole time we were here! It's even more beautiful than the pictures available on the web!

The condo features floor-to-ceiling windows across the front, which faces out to the ocean. It's sort of an African Queen meets Trader Vic's. Mark's hat (visible on the coat tree) is hoping to be left behind.

Here is the mid-afternoon view from our lanai. The sun sets off to the right - just a little too far for us to watch from here without sticking our heads out around the corner of the lanai.



Imagine, watching humpback whales and turtles from your balcony! And best of all - no roosters crowing at all hours of the morning! (We forgot to mention that Poipu is absolutely over-run with wild chickens. It's the strangest thing! Funny, almost every restaurant features a chicken burger...)

Duke's On Monday

Feelin' good and feelin' right
Sunset is out of sight
Another beautiful Hawaiian day,
Everything's gonna be ok
Let's get together and do this again...
Duke's on Sunday [or Monday...]

-Jimmy Buffett

Location: Duke's Barefoot Bar, Lihue

1. Presentation : Fruit, umbrella, cool napkin, shapely glass. Thick rum-like layer.
Score : 4

2. Flavour : Looks can be deceiving...this one tasted like watered down Koolaid. Could it have been mix instead of real fruit juice? Very disappointing given it's promising good looks.
Score : 2

3. Location Ambiance : Ultra cool, Polynesian-style, open air, beachside tiki bar. Hawaiian music, surf memorabilia, tables set under individual palm frond huts.
Score : 5

4. Psychomotor Effect : minimal, even on an empty stomach.
Score : 1

5. Server Enthusiasm : Very friendly and attentive staff in the Barefoot Bar, as opposed to the ambivalent group upstairs in the main restaurant.
Score : 3+

6. Cost : $7.25
Score : 3

Overall Score : 3+, but mostly because of the cool location.

Waimea Brewing Co. Mai Tai...Surprise, Surprise!

Location: Waimea Brewing Company, Waimea

1. Presentation : Single fruit, no umbrella, unremarkable but over-sized receptacle. Thinnish layer of dark rum, predominantly orange in colour.
Score : 2

2. Flavour : Fresh juice! Great fruit juice/rum balance. Lacking lime tartness, but dangerously tasty...would go down like Kool-aid. Linette's favorite so far.
Score : 4

3. Location Ambiance : Plantation-style building with open-air deck. Hawaiian mural, palm trees and tropical plants. Overly friendly bar flies (of the winged variety).
Score : 3

4. Psychomotor Effect : Packs a distinct kick. Induces pleasant lethargy and possibly impairedment of speeling aiblite. (and we shared this one!!!)
Score : 4

5. Server Enthusiasm : Friendly.
Score : 3

6. Cost : $8 US. A little on the high side for a regular Mai Tai.
Score : 2

Overall Score : 3

Although pleasantly surprised by this one, it did have its drawbacks - including having to drive so far to get to it.

Ah...no, that's not my belly!

Enough said!

Casablanca's Mai Tai...Play it Again, Mike!

Location: Casablanca Restaurant, Poipu

1. Presentation : Nice glass, great layering, no umbrella but a THREE-fruit garnish (pineapple, lime and a cherry!)

Score :4+

2. Flavour : Rummmmmmmmy! This top shelf combination of white, dark and spiced rum could put an unsuspecting drinker under the table if taken on an empty stomach!
Score : 3

3. Location Ambiance : This Italian/Moroccan fusion restaurant didn’t exactly exude “Polynesian”, but it was open-aired, beautiful and featured live music from a very friendly, famous local surfer/musician (Mike).
Score :2

4. Psychomotor Effect : This is one Mai Tai that commands respect from the first sip! Unlike other Mai Tai’s we’ve had so far, there’s no way either one of us was going to knock back more than one of these guys without regretting it.

Score : 4

5. Server Enthusiasm : The service at Casablanca’s was excellent, as were our meals. It’s not very often you go out for dinner and are told not to rush because the table is yours for the evening. Upon hearing about our quest, our lovely waitress invited us back for a “special” happy hour Mai Tai on Tuesday. Sounds like an offer we shouldn’t refuse!
Score : 4+

6. Cost : $10 US. Slightly higher than other top shelf’s we’ve seen.
Score : 2+

Overall Score : 3+, nearly 4

Good Day, Sunshine!

Expecting yet another day of cloudy skies and showers, we were shocked, delighted and nearly blinded by the sunny blue sky! The vibrant colours of Kauai were revealed at last. What a contrast! Even the birds were singing about it!

We literally ran out the door with our snorkel gear, not wanting to miss a moment of sunshine.

We grabbed a quick brekkie to go from Starbucks (yes, but there’s only one) and headed to on of Mark’s favourite remote beaches. The road (er…sort of) to get there was distinguishable from the fields that flanked each side only by sections of packed dirt connecting potholes and craters big enough to lose a car in. (Note to self: next time, rent a Jeep).

When we finally arrived at the beach, the view made the ride all worthwhile. Tropical paradise, found! Unfortunately, even Jacques Cousteau would not have ventured into the surf that was churning above the best snorkeling area. Desperate to put his head in the water, Mark waded in from the long stretch of beach around the corner while I did my best to watch for shark fins from the shore. Mark’s perseverance was rewarded when he got to float alongside a baby turtle that was passing by.

The sun continued throughout the day, allowing us to dip our fins at the famed Poipu Beach; a very popular spot that offers safe snorkeling and plenty of fish. We had to share the beach this day with a lounging Monk seal. Sources tell us there are only about 1300 of these creatures left –which seems to afford them the right to commander the choices spots on any beach. Volunteers cordon off a large section of the sand around them so the seals can sun themselves without any hassle from the tourists. It’s really quite a sight to see – these wild blubbery sea mammals parked amongst hundreds of humans!

It really heats up here when the sun comes out, so much so that you literally have to open all the doors of your car to let it air out for a couple of minutes before getting in. Despite that, some beach-going idiot thought it would be okay to leave their puppy behind in the truck – parked in the full, mid day sun. Thankfully the little guy started putting up a fuss and a bunch of folks were able to break into the truck and rescue him before it was too late.

Following a tip from President Obama, we tried out our first shaved ice. Sometimes eating yellow snow is a good thing!

From there it was off to the National Tropical Botanical Garden for a quick tour of the front garden and a photo shoot. Along with the flora, they grow some pretty impressive insects and arachnids here. Humongous bees, lurking spiders and geckos falling out of the trees...

There was a lovely sunset tonight for us to applaud, from the comfort of the room lanai (deck) at the resort where we’re staying. Boat drinks in hand, of course.

Aaron, this one was for you!

The Tidepools Mai Tai…The Best So Far, But Worth It?

Location: Hyatt, Poipu

1. Presentation : standard
Score : 3

2. Flavour : noticeable lime undertone was a nice touch…this one tastes the way we would expect a classic Mai Tai to. At the moment it’s the standard to meet or beat.

Score : 4 plus

3. Location Ambiance : As close to authentic Polynesian as money can buy: the bar was set in a thatched roof structure surrounded by fish-filled pools and tiki torches. Décor was distinctly Polynesian with soft Hawaiian background music.
Score : 5

4. Psychomotor Effect : Slow onset and surprisingly minimal, given the large amount of dark rum visible. Could we be building up immunity already????
Score : 2

5. Server Enthusiasm : Native Hawaiian with a quiet sense of humour. Fast and efficient preparation. Clearly knew his stuff. A seasoned pro.
Score : 4

6. Cost : Are you sitting down? It’s a good thing we were. This drink comes in at a jaw-dropping $13 US, plus tip! After conversion to CDN dollars this was nearly a $20 drink! It’s a good thing they supplied bar nuts, because we blew our dinner budget on the drinks.
Score : 1

Overall Score : 3

The shock of the cost of this drink was partly offset by a free tour of the spectacular hotel and grounds: a sight to be seen.

Brennecke’s World Famous Mai Tai…A Legend in it’s Own Mind

Location: Brennecke's Broiler, Poipu

1. Presentation : Reddy-orange instead of golden yellow, nondescript glass, thick dark rum layer on top. Skimpy pineapple, no umbrella (in the first round).
Score : 3

2. Flavour : Unusual Planters-Punch type flavour. Yummy but not our idea of how a Mai Tai should taste.
Score : 2

3. Location Ambiance : Blue and white themed sports bar. The open-air deck and warm sea breezes were lovely but this spot lacked any particular Hawaiian feel. Nevertheless, we were the last to leave…at 9:30. (Poipu’s not exactly a party town)
Score : 2

4. Psychomotor Effect : Slow onset but extremity and facial numbness and impaired thought processes obvious after two. Thankfully, we’re staying close by so managed to walk home without incident.
Score : 3

5. Server Enthusiasm : Efficient and sort of friendly.
Score : 2

6. Cost : $6.95, so not bad value.
Score : 2

Overall Score : 3 minus
Brennecke’s also features a high octane Mai Tai. A repeat visit may be in order.

Tomkat’s Happy Hour Mai Tai…Not Quite Purrrfect

Location: Tomkat's Grille, Koloa Town

1. Presentation : well-layered, pineapple slice, hurricane glass, no umbrella
Score : 3

2. Flavour : tasty and free-poured but used bottled drink mix instead of fresh juices
Score : 2

3. Location Ambiance : country music and sports on TV but there was a lovely inner courtyard tropical garden and the barflies were very friendly
Score : 3

4. Psychomotor Effect : definitely noticeable (but we hadn’t eaten for a while)
Score : 3

5. Server Enthusiasm : fast and friendly service
Score : 3

6. Cost : Only $3!!!
Score : 4

Overall Score : 3

We were tempted to try Tomkat’s $9 big gun– the Black Tai – but walking erect (much less driving) would have been problematic.

We’ll be back...again.

Even a Rainy Day in Kauai is Better Than…

On our first morning in Paradise, we awoke to the sound of mourning doves, typhoon-like wind and jungle rain. Not exactly what we were hoping for. However, we realized that this might be a very well disguised blessing, in that we would now not be wasting a lot of time on trivial activities such as swimming, snorkeling, sunbathing, mountain-biking, hiking or kayaking. We could now dedicate ourselves fully to our search for the UMToK.

As any good explorers would, we set out to get the lay of the land and reconnoiter potential watering holes. We thought it would be civilized to begin with a delicious tropical breakfast of fresh fruits and locally-grown coffee. We consulted a local hospitality expert for ideas. She highly recommended an establishment “a short drive west” of Poipu. After 40 minutes on the road, we came upon the greasy spoon. Heart attacks on a plate, sure. Fresh fruit? Not a trace.

By the time we got back to Koloa Town, it was lunchtime. We dragged our near-starved butts into Tomkat’s Grille for a couple of fantastic mahi-mahi burgers. Between the friendly server and the three resident cats, we were quite entertained. Best of all, we noticed they offer a $3 Mai Tai Happy Hour Special! As Governor Schwarzenegger would say - we’ll be back!

Our strength restored, we returned to exploring. And shopping. We came across this Klingon Toad along the side of the road. He was about the size of a dinner plate. Mark was afraid to get out of the car, so I had to take the picture.

We found a “sunshine market” and so to avoid another “fruitless” search for breakfast, we stocked up on the 3 P’s: papayas, pineapples, and pomellos. The orchids were about $15 each. Too bad we can’t bring such things back with us.

Time got away on us and we found ourselves stuck in Rush Hour trying to make it to Happy Hour at Tomkats!

We Encounter Our First Mai Tai...sort of

So...after a very smooth and (almost) orderly start, we've hit our first hiccup - an aircraft mechanical delay in Seattle. Thank heavens, Mark had two passes to the Alaska Air Boardroom - where cushy seats, snacks, and free drinks awaited!

We stowed our stuff, pulled up two window seats and made ourselves comfy. Seeing an opportunity to try out the scoring rubric, Linette headed to the bar. Since pineapples are not native to these rainy lands, we found ourselves confronted with sampling the little known Northern Albino Mai Tai.

Location: Alaska Airlines Boardroom, SeaTac Int'l Airport, Seattle, WA

1. Presentation

We immediately noticed an appalling absence of colour and Hawaiian thematic elements. In fact, if not for a lonely slice of lime, this drink could've been mistaken for a glass of sprite!

Score: 0

2. Flavour

A tentative first sip revealed however, that this drink could never be accused of being too rummy, or even having any trace of rum in it whatsoever! Which is not to say there was no alcohol involved. In fact, it might be more accurate to descibe the flavour as having distinct juniperous notes. The high ice content of this drink made it necessary to consume it at a faster than usual rate to minimize water contamination. Oh darn.

Score: -1/5

3. Location ambiance

Although pleasantly appointed, the Boardroom's tropical ambiance was limited to a handful of dusty, plastic plants. CNN instead of Don Ho just didn't cut it. To make matters worse, we were the only people in shorts and loud shirts - made even louder by our enthusiasm and the dull, overcast weather backdrop. At least the seats didn't stick to our butts.

Score: 1/5

4. Psychomotor Effects

Minimal psychomotor motor effects were noted (at least by us) due to the extended period of time spent waiting for our flight, and the rather conservative and strictly-enforced 3 drink limit.

Score: 2/5

5. Server Enthusiasm

The Northern Albino Mai Tai may have recieved a higher server enthusiasm score had there actually been a server. However, we have decided to award partial points for generous pours.

Score: 1/5

6. Cost

Did we mention they were free? Woo-hoooooooo!

Score: 5/5

Overall score: 1/5

Captains' Log: T-Minus 2 Sleeps and Counting!

Expedition preparations are well underway.

It's getting very difficult to concentrate on work and other non-holiday related tasks knowing that sun, sand and Mai Tai's await!